This past weekend Kyle and I had the awesome opportunity to drive to Colorado and visit some of our close friends for an event called Worship At 8500. It was absolutely one of the best experiences I have ever had, and I’m so excited to share what God showed me while we were there.
At the same time, I’m sharing 4 songs this week. I know that’s a lot, but I had to post the two I had recorded from last week plus two from this week. Every night the mic was opened up for an Enter the Worship Circle, Chair & Mic cover, and every night someone played a song by Aaron! Now, I love Aaron’s CD but I felt that Karla needed a little love, too. This week all 4 songs are off different Chair & Mic albums – “Centuries” by Aaron, “Quiet Now” by Ben, and “Save Me” and “You Are Mine” by Karla. The only one missing is Tim Coons. I just didn’t have chord charts for his CD yet and no patience to be a musician and figure them out on my own. Definitely still check out his Chair and Mic CD and his The Deadly Sins and Beatitudes CD – amazing. Next year I plan to go prepared to cover a beautiful Karla Adolphe song!
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The format of this weekend was great. All the leaders did a really good job of listening to and taking direction from the Holy Spirit. Each morning we had breakfast at 8:00, and then from 9:00 until 12:00 we had a morning session. We had discussions at our tables based on some general questions provided by Ben and then we had an opportunity to share with the whole room what God showed us in those discussions. After the morning session we ate lunch together and had some free time. From 2:00 – 4:00 in the afternoon were the afternoon electives and that’s where we really had a lot of freedom. The first day there were specific groups for specific subjects, the second day we all were given a Word by our group leader, and then the third day was a free for all – hang out with who you want and make friends. The evenings were my favorite – we did 3 hours of music every single night. Not just 3 hours of a concert, either – it was 3 hours of worshipping the Lord with some of the best songs ever written for Him. It was great, I can’t even describe it. Centuries, by Aaron Strumpel, was one of the songs we sang every night. I love the line, “what can man do to me?” because it’s a great question – God is all-powerful and everything is in His able hands, we do not need to worry about what the world, or what humanity, will do to us.
So, now we can get a little more personal. The first day we went to the afternoon elective called “Overflow” which was basically just a chance to discuss and learn about living out of our true identities. It was lead by Gary Adolphe and he did a great job. What stood out to me most was that he said there were no rules, that the Holy Spirit works in different ways all the time, and there’s no way we can come up with a predictable way to get the response we want out of God. The other thing that I took away from that session was life-changing. We were talking about being who we are, and how to do that and Gary explained it in a way that made so much sense to me. He said that God created us to be a certain way – Righteous and Holy in His eyes. When we step outside of that creation, things don’t go as God planned and therefore it grieves His heart and causes heartache in our lives.
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This viewpoint wrapped up what I’ve been hearing everywhere in the last few months beautifully: we cannot modify our behavior in an attempt to love God more – we can only love God more and through that we become changed into who he has created us to be which is a more Righteous and Awesome child of God. Now, the coolest part about all of this is that God loves us the same amount all the way through, regardless of how we are behaving. Whew! So after hearing all that, it became glaringly obvious to me that it does not matter what I get my degree in, that it does not matter if I play roller derby, or if I am an awesome host, or how good I am on the guitar, it doesn’t matter how well I sing, or how well I write songs – all of those things are great and fun things about myself, but none of them reflect my true identity and who God made me to be as a person.
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To top it all off, Doug Roberts prophesied over Kyle and me and said this to me,
“God’s working in your right now His love, He’s working within you right now His choosing of you. You’ve really not known your identity in what God has called you to be, you’ve really not known your identity in who you are because you’ve always tried to be what other people wanted you to be, you’ve always tried to fit in where you wouldn’t stand out and I sense the Lord is saying this is a season where the Lord is defining your space and you’re going to look in the mirror and say, ‘I’m not that bad after all.’ I sense the Lord is calling you into a place where you’re going to be able to love yourself in the midst of where you’re at.”
He spoke for about another 3 minutes and told me a lot of other things that were great to hear, but that part in particular stood out as something I should share. I am just now coming to a place where I realize that I do not have to live my life for other people’s expectations of who I am supposed to be, and that it’s okay to just be myself and be happy with where I’m at. The area where this is most noticeable is in deciding on a degree plan, and deciding what I want to do with that degree when I’m done with school. It is okay that I’m not positive I will love teaching English to high school students, because regardless of my career, regardless of my job I am God’s daughter, and that takes priority over EVERYTHING else.
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This song fits this moment perfectly, because it’s basically saying that no matter what your weaknesses are, no matter how far you wander away from God’s plan for you, or from God’s love that you are His.
I wanted to wrap up by asking you guys a question that opened my eyes to a lot of things this weekend. What are the lies that you have been told about yourself that you have believed, and what does God say is the truth about the same issues? My biggest one was that my career defined me – that what I did as a job, or studied in school was my identity. God showed me that while He’s given me certain gifts and wants me to use them for His glory, that I don’t necessarily have to use them in a career atmosphere and that I don’t need to stress about it so much.
Let’s talk about these things, I would love to hear your feedback and hear what God’s doing in your life, regardless of whether it is relatable to mine at all!
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I actually had to start writing down all the lies that I’d been agreeing with. I’m not done either. It’s been really startling to see how much leeway the enemy has been given into my brain, so much permission to tell me sneaky little lies that look and sound so reasonable… ugh. yuck.
The big one for me that just hit me in the past few days was that I’d been walking around like a certain situation had been abusing us. Like we were going to be defined by the situation, and would never fully recover. If that’s not an orphan syndrome… Yeah, I am rising above it today. It’s not easy, there are still things wanting to rise to the surface, but I’m ruling them. I’m speaking truth to those feelings and releasing those I’ve held responsible.
It’s really freeing, and there is sooooo much more to tell, but for now, that’s all:) Can’t wait to hang out next week!
D’oh! I only replied to one of your comments, and this one’s better
You didn’t write it here, but I loved in your blog (which I just caught up on, btw) where you said you were walking around like a victim instead of a conquerer – I am guilty of that, and the last year has been a huge learning and growing experience for me in that I have to make myself get up and make things happen rather than sitting around and feeling so sorry for myself that they aren’t happening. God has equipped me to handle the situations that I was letting beat me down. Not sure if that’s similar to your situation or not, but that’s what I’ve been learning.
Can’t wait to see you and the boys next week!
I’m so glad we were able to be there in the beautiful Colorado wilderness together and share this experience with one another. It was like a spiritual bubble bath.
But in all seriousness, I really feel a closer connection between us. And I know that even as the newness wears off and the blandness of life settles in, we always have the Holy Spirit.
I think the biggest thing I took away from last weekend was the fact that I can just give up trying to be something I’m not meant to be. That I don’t have to try hard to impress anyone. Also, I can trust my heart. I don’t have to judge critique myself so harshly.
I am REALLY EXCITED for you to play a cover of one of Karla’s songs next year. You have such a beautiful gift and I know God is giving you the grace to share it more and more.
I love you.
I love you, too. I’m glad I get to do life with you.
I have to admit, I don’t usually listen to the songs, only b/c my computer/internet loads so slow, but I DID listen to these. 1st. Guitar bows to you! 2nd. I love your voice:) Have you heard Nicole Atkins? I think t hat’s who I’m thinking of. Anyhoo, I love you for being you:)
I haven’t heard Nicole Atkins, but I’m going to YouTube that shiz right now! Thanks for the guitar compliment, I’m a wee bit self conscious about it, but I’m learning to just accept the compliments and roll with it
I love you back, and I’m glad we know each other – let’s be more deliberate about hanging out.
The biggest lie that I keep having to get over is not really a lie about myself per se. I always struggle with trying to fix myself to get myself ready to get right with God. When I stray, my thoughts are always “I really need to fix this so that I can get back in a relationship with God!” rather than “I need to get right with God so He can fix all this!”
Great post, Amanda! Loved the music as always. Great songs!
Caleb! That must be something that a lot of people are struggling with right now, because it has been something I have heard consistently in the last few months. At the church I used to be a member of, our pastor would always say, “You don’t clean up to come to church.” I never understood why people needed to be told that until recently, it totally makes sense.
Glad you’re working through it. The best part about realizing that is that you get to enjoy the freedom of God’s love – because if we waited until we cleaned things up, we would never make it to a spot where we could come before Him.
You know what’s funny? Last night while we were out walking, I thought about how I hadn’t spent any focused Holy Spirit time here like I dreamed about since we’d been in Colorado. Immediately I felt shame and inadequate.
Then I immediately realized that if that is how I come before the Father whenever I’m going to spend focused time on him, that’s going to put a HUGE damper on our intimacy.
yes, I should spend more quality time with Him. But I should come into it with expectation and joy, not shame and inadequacy! UGH! LEARN JULIE LEARN! (There I go again!)
Such a cool post, Amanda.
It’s always refreshing to be someplace different, especially when it’s closer to nature. I think God can speak to us anywhere He wants, but there are certain places that just open us up more spiritually–like beautiful Colorado.
One lie that I’ve only recently gotten a word on is the lie that I can’t release other peoples’ problems to God. God has really opened me up to giving him some of my burdens lately, but one of the speakers this past week actually pointed out how it’s equally bad if you can’t hand over your friends’ issues to God as well. It’s definitely something I’m still working through, but the meat and potatoes of it is that I can feel empathy and do my best to help friends through situations without becoming completely overwrought, if I hand it over to God right at the beginning.
And as usual, the music was marvelous. Keep singing, lady! I’ll email you soon.
I’m so glad that God’s showing that to you, Kels. You have such a huge heart, and when you love people so much it’s easy to get burned out and feel completely useless, unless you realize that other people’s problems aren’t your responsibility. I think God’s been showing that to me lately, too, but in a different way. Mine is that other people’s sin is not my responsibility, that I can’t save people from themselves, only God can do that.
I love you and I miss you. Let’s Skype sometime soon!
You are a beauty.
Love you doing Quiet Now. So nice to hear it in a woman’s voice. Correction: nice to hear it in YOUR voice.
You really got down to it this week! Way to stick to your blog goals. You’re my hero.
YOU are a beauty, ma’am.
Thanks for listening and commenting – glad we met!
wow, and wow. what amazing reflections and amazing music, too. do your friends know how lucky they are?
Thanks Ben! And I think they do, they do a great job at returning the favor
beautiful voice! i CANNOT wait till you change your mind and cover one of my songs next year! hahaahahahha!!
seriously, thank you for this post…beautiful!
Thanks Aaron, your compliment means alot!
I hate to break your heart, but if I change my mind (which I probably won’t) it would probably be to do a Tim Coons song. Have you HEARD the Seven Deadly Sins and BEATITUDES!?!?!? Freakin. Uh. May. Zing. I don’t know where Ben finds you little song writing fools, but I want to go there and learn your voo doo MAGIC!
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